I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
