new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
