He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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