we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
