marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize