I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
