You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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