just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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