In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize