remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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