i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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