man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
