Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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