We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
