Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
