You work out of a Hotel?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
