Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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