Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
