Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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