okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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