Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
