I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
