Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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