HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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