literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
