Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize