i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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