i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
