Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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