Sponge bath it is.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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