i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize