Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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