im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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