Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
