I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
