But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
