Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
