And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
