sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
