is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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