I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
