just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize