Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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