Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
