You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize