last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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