I puked a lego.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
