I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
