Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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