it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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