i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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