Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
