Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize