Whod you bang
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
