Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
