honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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