He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
