I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
