I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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