I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize