I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you would pick up someone in the library
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
