If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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