Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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