i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
