I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
