so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
