I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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