The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
