They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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