I got chris browned last night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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