how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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