So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
