I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
