I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
