I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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