oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
