I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
