3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
smell my finger.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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