Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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