Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
