I smell stomach acid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
