just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
