Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
