So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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