My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
