Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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