Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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