I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
