i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
