Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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