Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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