i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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