If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
