Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
