Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
