Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
