We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
