He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
