there's paper in my vomit.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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