is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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